Unpacking The Packages
When you decide to embark on a journey of self discovery, I also like to call mission impossible. You will be unpacking the packages of information of who you are.
I decide to open every box of information of who I have become or who I thought I was (my identity). Little did I know what I would be challenged with, I decided to open every package of information that was given to me as a child, man, person and individual regarding every aspect of who I was.
I didn’t open just 1 box, I opened all boxes regarding religion, politics, education being a father, man, son, brother, husband, uncle etc.. I challenged every aspect of me and my ego kept telling to stop, close those boxes, packages and gifts. Most of the information was hard to confront. I knew I would be hurting myself with emotions I had buried and really didnt want to dig up.
Deep inside I knew I needed to do this for me, for my future self. I had emotions of anger, hatred, confusion, and most of the time I had that lump in my throat that prevented me from swallowing. At times I felt like I betrayed everyone that poured into me from the time I was a young boy. My mother, father, grandparents, teachers, children and my beloved wife. I could have easily shut each package and went about my day, except I kept learning new things about me.
I was being challenged by myself to become a better person and to do this I had to let go of a lifetime of information of who I thought I was. I kept pushing past the fear of learning more information about me. I also kept reprogramming my mind with new information. Changing my views, opinions and learning not to always have an opinion about others or others situations. Through this process I can tell you I am not the same person I was just a few short years ago.
The biggest take away for me during this process was to give myself plenty of time to process what I learned, deal with the emotions and forgive myself for who I was and my limited beliefs. I found the more packages of information I opened regarding my identity or who I thought I was, the less information I found that supported that identity, idea or thought.
My ego took a beating, and it was mad. I have since tamed my ego and I now call my ego one of two names Love or compassion. This is a slow process and I don’t think I will ever stop opening new packages about who I am. Only now I open each package with caution and care.